Astro Bites (Aug-Sept)

Aries March 21 – April 19

August will be a relatively easy month for you, Aries.

 You finally have the time to take a step back from your responsibilities and use that PTO you’ve been saving up all year.

You’ll feel the urge to revisit memories, and possibly people, from your past and take a trip down memory lane. This could be scheduling a vacation during the week you have custody of your kids or starting a dodgeball league with your team.

It’ll finally allow everyone to let out the collective rage toward your managers by pelting the SHIT out of them with rubber balls. Events like these will turn your focus towards fostering deeper relationships with those close to you.

However, we all know how you tend to talk out your ass a majority of the time, Aries. Be careful with your words so no one misinterprets what you’re trying to express.

Complimenting your coworker’s shorts during that dodgeball match could lead to an HR meeting on your next shift (even though we all know you were staring at her ass).

Taurus April 20 – May 2024

You’re finally catching a break after weeks of getting your ass kicked, Taurus. You’ve picked up enough cash tips, worked enough doubles, and collected enough favors to take time off for a staycation.

Turn your focus towards your home environment and rearrange your living space. Your last rager has left a stagnant aura around your living space and a sort of weird smell from dried-up beer puddles.

However, don’t make any big purchases on a whim this month.

I know that the $400 couch your kitchen manager is selling seems like a great deal, but you may have unexpected purchases pop up.

You never know when some drunk asshole is going to side-swipe your car the ONE time you park on the street. Do not fret, dear Taurus, with enough patience this month will bring significant financial gain for more long-term plans.

That insurance check from your wrecked vehicle may be bigger than you think.

Gemini  May 21 – June 20

Many of your current endeavors will slow down or completely halt, Gemini. Don’t let this lack of activity get you down because this will open new doors to explore different opportunities.

Maybe it’s time to start studying to level up as a sommelier or consider culinary school to perfect your existing skills. If you work for a corporate restaurant group, they may even help fund furthering your education.

Don’t get too comfortable having extra free time during the slow season and keep your head on a swivel. Management may not approve an overly complicated special you created during a slow night during an unexpected lunch rush.

Regardless of any hiccups, your side projects will benefit you in the long run and give you a better shot at expanding your career.

As long as you stay disciplined and gauge your boss’s mood before asking for a raise, you’ll continue to succeed in the future.

Cancer June 22- July 22

This will be a significant month to plan out your future, Cancer. You will feel like your hard work isn’t leading anywhere, but trust it will pay off.

Concentrate on the brighter side of life and train your brain to think of what will bring you true joy in the long run.

If your higher-ups seem more interested in selling slightly spoiled fish as a daily special, rather than invest money in a new freezer, it may be time to leave.

You know deep down whether or not they’re willing to invest their time and money into the restaurant and their employees.

Follow your gut and do what’s best for you, not the company. I hate to say it, but you will generally have trouble connecting with your bosses this month.

Be conscious of how you express your discrepancies on the clock. Seriously, take the time to double, triple, and quadruple-check to make sure your boss isn’t around.

Managers are sneaky fuckers no matter how nice they seem on the surface. Regardless of the stress this causes, you’ll slowly start receiving financial gain from any side gigs you’ve been working on.

The extra dough from those dishwashing shifts on GigPro adds up over time, and may even lead to a job offer with better pay in a more positive environment.

Leo July 23 – August 22

Any stressors in your life will slowly but surely be coming to an end this month, Leo.

You’ve felt as if the constant barrage of shitty tippers will never end.

As much as you want to choke out the AM bartenders for not prepping the liquor shelf for a busy evening, maintain your patience.

Lean on your friends to let out your frustrations over a beer or two (or three or four.) You may even meet new people in the industry and make connections to further your knowledge and career.

You’ll feel a renewed sense of strength to play the long game, however, don’t push your luck. It’s embarrassing when a joke or comment to a guest falls flat, but don’t overdo it when trying to make a comeback from it.

It’s okay to hide in the back instead of falling into a word vomit nightmare that holds you and a group of strangers in an awkward hostage situation.

Just don’t let your frustrations build up to the point where you explode on your poor food runner. This will only set back the hard work and progress you’ve made.

Virgo August 23 – September 22

You’ve been riding the high of career advancement, and hitting your coworker’s weed pen, the last few months, Virgo.

However, you won’t see much more progress this month and the stagnation of the slow season will hit harder than usual. Use this time to research your plans to create stellar new menu specials and tweak existing ones.

It would also be beneficial to keep these plans under wraps. Don’t start bragging about interviewing for a job with better hours and pay before the ink is dry on your employee contract.

It’s always embarrassing shamefully walking back to work after you’ve told everyone to go fuck themselves the night before. Stay diligent and allow yourself to be flexible when negotiating new ideas with management.

Even if that new job doesn’t work out, trust that your success will be recognized. The pressure will start rising to finish your new dishes for a seasonal menu but this may lead to a bump in your pay.

This will allow some financial relief after getting cut early multiple days in a row every week.

Libra September 23 – October 22

You’ve always been known for your bubbly personality and carefree spirit, Libra.

This month will present more opportunities for new experiences and highlight your best qualities. Take advantage of how slow things have been to travel whenever possible.

You may meet someone new who will become an important aspect soon, whether it’s a blossoming romance from a one-night stand or connecting with a restaurant mogul looking for a new food and beverage director.

Finally having the chance to rest your mind and body while enjoying fresh new restaurants will be invigorating. When you return to work, you may receive some unexpected news that leaves you clueless.

Be wary of any miscommunications and don’t assume your boss is out to get you. But fear not, Libra, even though it sucks when you’re only getting the worst shifts, you’ll have plenty of peers willing to switch and get an easy day.

Spending extra time schmoozing your tables, could lead to more faithful regulars requesting your specific section. Focus on having fun this month to maintain the light within you.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21

This month will bring career opportunities that require more responsibility and push you into the spotlight, Scorpio. Save that trip to Vegas for another time and don’t travel unless necessary or related to business ventures.

You’ll see increased income from your current ventures and new opportunities will arise because of all your hard work.

You may finally find a location for a new restaurant concept that isn’t in complete shambles and negotiate a significantly lower price. Old connections may start popping back up after hearing about your progress.

Winning over that real estate mogul who stared at your tits the entire time will be interested in investing some money in your new business. Be careful not to ignore other aspects of your life amidst these new responsibilities.

You may receive shocking news related to your family and home life.

Whether it’s having to move in with your spouse’s mother that hates your fucking guts or harassing your landlord about a broken AC during the hottest month of the year, things are going to be rocky.

For those of you with children, parenting will also be more difficult. Those teenage hormones will come into full swing and you’ll hear a lot of door-slamming and “IT’S NOT A PHASE THIS IS WHO I AM.”

Keep your eyes on the prize and trust these stressors will soon end.

Sagittarius  November 22 – December 21

Travel has always been an important aspect of your life, and this month may gift you a distant vacation, Sagittarius.

It could be a trip to Europe after a rough breakup for your Eat Pray Love moment or visiting a vineyard in Italy to work on your level 2 sommelier certification.

The slow season is a great time to blow off some steam and brush up on your skillset before the holidays start rolling in. Make sure to pack your necessities before any trips. Don’t pack one bag and fly out of the country.

You’ll be more inclined to blow most of your money at the beginning of your vacation. During these trips, If you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll build a deeper bond with your partner to lift each other and make your lives easier.

If you have opposite schedules doing small things like meal prepping for two, keeping up with chores, and making sure the liquor cabinet is fully stocked means more than you realize.

You’ll also have great success locking down new business connections as well. Don’t rush into these opportunities and push people too far. Just because everyone is getting their real estate license doesn’t mean it’ll benefit you in the long run.

While maintaining these close relationships should be a focus this month, make time for yourself to veg out and relax your mind.

The busy season is always a shitshow so make sure you’re mentally preparing for the drunk family fights on Christmas Eve.

Capricorn  December 22 – January 19

August is an important time to review and adjust your finances to reduce excess spending, Capricorn.

Bills start to pile up when business is slow and taking trips to the bar after your shift every night will eat into necessary funds to keep yourself afloat. Also, make sure not to be too trusting of your guests and grab a debit card for their tab.

We’ve all gotten a little too drunk and accidentally walked out on a tab. However, that doesn’t mean everyone remembers to shamefully return the next day and square up with you.

Avoid getting stiffed and coming to work with daily hangovers so you have the mental and physical energy to work on outside projects that make you feel fulfilled in the long run.

Your bosses will notice you stopped calling out with the “cocktail flu” and be more willing to give you extra help while you’re deep in the weeds.

You’ll also have some fresh new faces in your workplace that will act as a breath of fresh air.

Management will finally find younger, hardworking support staff rather than a 40-something-year-old barback sneaking shots behind the bar.

Don’t get too frustrated having to train and tip out your new staff members.

We were all there at one point and their hard work will allow you to spend more time with guests and slowly bring in more money to include going out back into your budget.

Aquarius  January 20 – February 18

Your love life will finally be taking an upturn after many failed relationships in the past few months, Aquarius.

Those of you who are single should spend more time putting yourself out there to meet potential new partners.

Go to spots you don’t normally frequent and stop racking up Eskimo brothers, sisters, and those in between (seriously it’s getting borderline incestuous).

For those in an existing relationship, you may receive good news, maybe even a proposal, from your partner. However, if things have been rocky for a while, something may be the breaking point that initiates a big breakup.

If your gut tells you that your partner isn’t “just friends” with their favorite coworker, it may be worth looking into. Don’t put all of your focus on your love life.

Pursue more artistic endeavors that may not benefit you financially, but it will make you feel fulfilled on a subconscious level. Painting an accent mural for your friend’s new business will at least keep your mind off of any tumultuous relationships you’re engaged in.

Following through with significant commitments will all be worth it in the end.

Pisces  February 19 – March 20

You seem to be stretching yourself too thin rather than expanding your existing skillset, Pisces.

You’re self esteem and ability to give a shit about your job is becoming more obvious to those around you, which is beating you down in itself.

Be more willing to take the cut and have more discipline to go home and stay sober for a while. Yes, California sober does count.

Organizing your personal space will put you at ease and avoid losing any important objects or documents you may need in the near future. A judge won’t be inclined to reduce your DUI to reckless driving if you don’t show up to your court date on time and prepared.

The pressure of your personal life will send you spiraling if you ignore your well-being. Make sure to give yourself time to breathe and find a good balance between work and pleasure.

Celebrate the small wins and don’t put all your eggs into one pan. Even the satisfaction of a shitty guest’s card getting declined can significantly improve your mood.