A Karen's Resolutions 2024

Mastering The Art Of Complaining

Jerbear | Monday, January 1, 2024

As we bid adieu to 2023, it’s time for all self-respecting Karens to reflect, reinvent, and re-emerge. This isn’t just about making New Year’s resolutions; it’s about revolutionizing them. We’re not just talking about taking your rightful throne as the queen of the complaint department; we’re talking about an upping your game of the classic Karen.

Upgrade the Manager :

This year, I aim to only ask for the manager’s manager. Why should I settle for less?

Perfect My Eyeroll :

I will practice in the mirror until I can convey my complete disappointment in humanity without saying a word.

Expand The Complaint Portfolio :

I will move beyond my usual complaints and begin to critique font choices on the menu and the color of the napkins.

Refine The Sigh:

I promise to work on a sigh so deep and dramatic it can be heard 5 tables away.

I Will Elevate My Entitlement:

As you know, I’m not just entitled to good service, I’m entitled to the best service no matter what the circumstance. Period.

Karen's Eye Roll | Image by Jerbear

I Will Sharpen My Sarcastic Thank You:

It’s not just a thank you, it’s a performance art. My goal is to create a perfect blend of disdain and patronization.

Loyalty Card Collector:

I strive to have a loyalty card for every store in town. After all, why miss an opportunity to complain about a rewards program?

Practice Indignant Gasps:

I work on gasping so loudly when mildly inconvenienced that it stops people in their tracks.

Hone My Bargaining Skills:

Remember, everything is negotiable, from the price of a drink to exchanging a side dish for lobster.

Neighborhood Watch Queen:

I will elevate my neighborhood presence by keeping a vigilant eye on all happenings, no matter how small, and holding regular meetings to discuss “urgent” matters like leaving your trash bin out too long.

As we conclude our revolutionary resolutions, remember, fellow Karens, this is our year to shine. Let’s embrace our upgraded sighs, perfected eye rolls, and refined thank-yous with a newfound sense of pride. We’re not just demanding better; we’re becoming the best Karens we can be. So, raise your loyalty cards high and prepare for a year of unparalleled entitlement and exquisite complaining. May your manager encounters be fruitful and your complaints always heard!