A Karen's Resolutions 2025

Re-Mastering The Art Of Complaining

Jerbear | Tuesday, December 31, 2024

As we, the Karens, bid farewell to 2024, it is our sacred duty to reflect, renew, and rise anew in 2025.

This isn’t just about making resolutions—it’s about reaffirming our mission and perfecting the art of being Karen.

We are not mere mortals navigating the menu of life.

We are the queens of the complaint department, the architects of substitutions, and the champions of customer entitlement.

In 2025, we vow to elevate our craft, sharpen our strategies, and remind the world that

Karening is more than a lifestyle—it’s a religion.

With that, here are the sacred resolutions that will guide every true Karen toward greatness in the year ahead.

Upgrade the Manager:
- “This year, I aim to only ask for the manager’s manager. Why should I settle for less?”
On Karen Time:
- “I will invest in a new watch that runs on Karen Time, so when I complain to the manager about my drink taking ’25 minutes,’ they’ll never know it was actually just five. Precision is key to making my point.”
Refine the Sigh:
- “I promise to work on a sigh so deep and dramatic it can be heard five tables away.”
Perfect My Eyeroll:
- “I will practice in the mirror until I can convey my complete disappointment in humanity without saying a word.”
On Seating Requests:
- “I will insist on being seated in the empty part of the restaurant, even after the hostess explains there’s no server working that section. Surely, someone can just figure it out for me.”
On Splitting the Check:
- “I will gather five of my closest Karen disciples for a meal, and just as the server brings the check, we’ll demand it be split six ways—because why would we mention it earlier?”
On Asking Without Looking:
- “I resolve to continue asking the server what beers, wines, and cocktails are available without so much as glancing at the menu. If they recite a list longer than three items, I will cut them off with, ‘Ugh, never mind,’ and order a vodka soda because that’s what I wanted all along.”
On Cruise Cocktails:
- “I will confidently ask the bartender to recreate that ‘amazing drink’ I had on a cruise five years ago, vaguely describing it as ‘something pink with rum.’ Surely, they’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Karen's Eye Roll | Image by Jerbear

On Convenient Allergies:
- “I will passionately declare my gluten allergy to the server, insisting the kitchen takes extra precautions—only to eat my friend’s onion rings five minutes later because, you know, they looked too good to resist.”
On Substitutions:
- “I resolve to keep pushing the boundaries of substitutions, aiming for the day when my ‘spinach salad’ arrives as a fully customized cheeseburger.”
Sharpen My Sarcastic Thank You:
- “It’s not just a thank you—it’s performance art. My goal is to create a perfect blend of disdain and patronization.”
On Asking for the Impossible:
- “I will continue to confidently ask for rice at an Italian restaurant, pizza at a Mexican restaurant, and French fries at a sushi bar—because surely every restaurant should cater to my very specific cravings, regardless of the cuisine they serve.”
Hone My Bargaining Skills:
- “Remember, everything is negotiable—from the price of a drink to exchanging a side dish for lobster.”
On Sleepy Time Tea at the Bar:
- “I will confidently stroll into a busy bar 10 minutes before last call, order a cup of sleepy time tea, and then act offended when my friend’s cocktail arrives first—because obviously, steeping tea should take priority over making drinks at a bar “

As we close out 2024, let’s leave no sigh unsighed, no eyeroll unrolled, and no manager unspoken to.

2025 is our year to double down on substitutions, redefine what it means to “wait too long,” and turn every mildly inconvenient moment into a full-blown performance.

We’re not just Karens—we’re pioneers of the customer experience.

So here’s to 2025: a year of impossible drink orders, exaggerated complaints, and glorious entitlement.

May your substitutions be endless, your managers always reachable, and your performances truly unforgettable. See you on the other side of the complaint desk!